


With Light There Is Hope

by thatsmysecret, velvetjinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Captain America Reverse Big Bang 2018, Established Relationship, Fisticuffs, M/M, Mention of date rape drugs, Mutual Pining, Overprotective Bucky Barnes, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Reuniting, Shameless Smut, Temporary Break Up, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 17:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15152138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmysecret/pseuds/thatsmysecret, https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx/pseuds/velvetjinx
Summary: It had all started out perfect, until Bucky's overprotective streak had come into play. Steve isn't a goddamn damsel in distress, and finally it all becomes too much for him. But feelings don't go away that easily, and Steve is at war with himself, until he gets some news that will change everything.





	With Light There Is Hope

**Author's Note:**

> velvetjinx: oh gosh okay, first of all thanks to thatsmysecret for such an amazing prompt which made me weep buckets and inspired me so much. Also thanks to Maggie for the beta and the mods, once again, for running this amazing bang. Title from "With Light There Is Hope" by Princess One Point Five, which can be found on the soundtrack [on Spotify here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jinksed/playlist/2r2pV52efoQq5DTfb3WboB?si=LiusHgkbQM2y3ByqBOCCrw).
> 
> thatsmysecret: My thanks to the wonderful mods: kajmere, albymangroves, & potofsoup. You've done incredible work on what seems an impossible task, and you deserve ALL THE KUDOS. <3
> 
> So much love and appreciation to my incredible pinch-hitter, velvetjinx. She's one of the kindest and most thoughtful people ever (not just in this fandom), with tonnes of talent to spare. Thank you so much for everything. <333

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/21981132@N07/29287627658/in/dateposted-public/)

 

 

“Jesus, Bucky, again?” Steve spat, as Bucky turned, guilt written all over his face. The dark haired man who had hit on Steve earlier was on the ground, nose bloodied. 

“I don’t—” Bucky began, but Steve narrowed his eyes. 

“Fucking spare me. I’m not a damsel, I don’t need your protection.” Steve was practically seeing red; his fists were clenched and there was a ringing in his ears. “Sometimes I wonder if you even know me, if you really love me. You know I hate when you do this, but you do it anyway.”

“Steve, no!” Bucky's eyes widened and his mouth formed a perfect ‘o’. “Steve, no one can love you like I do, you know that.”

“Do I? Fucking do I?” Steve asked, crowding into Bucky’s space and making him take a step backwards. “Maybe someone else would be more respectful of me and how I feel about shit than you are. I can handle myself. I know I’m short and weedy, but that guy wasn’t even being aggressive. He was just hitting on me, and backed off when he saw that I was with you.”

“I heard him,” Bucky responded, tone pleading. “He was talking to his friends about how he was gonna roofie your drink, make you more… what was it he said? Oh yeah, more _amenable_.”

“Then you should have told me what he said! You could have put me on my guard, but no. You had to take matters into your own hands. As per fucking usual.” Steve looked at Bucky in disgust. “You don’t listen to a word I say, do you? You don’t care what I think. You only care what you think about me. About how you think I should react. Well fuck you, Bucky. We’re done.”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but Steve just turned and walked away, ignoring Bucky calling his name. He caught a cab home, and as they drove down the busy Brooklyn streets, Steve wiped tears from his cheeks. He told himself that they were tears of anger. What else could they be?

***

The thing was, it had started out so great with Bucky. They were young and in love—Steve, the art student, and Bucky, the marketing student who had decided to make a bit of extra cash by modeling for Steve’s life drawing class. When the final class was over, Bucky—dressed only in a pink dressing gown—had approached Steve and asked him out for coffee. “Especially since you won’t have unrealistic expectations,” Bucky had added with a wink, making Steve blush.

It wasn’t like Steve got that many guys hitting on him back then. At 5’4 in his stocking soles, and not fully 100 pounds soaking wet, he didn’t really attract the kind of nice, normal guy he liked to date. Mostly what he attracted was big guys who wanted him to call them ‘daddy’, and Steve really wasn’t into that, thanks.

But then there was Bucky, and the two of them just _fit_ , like two puzzle pieces. They had even got a job together at a large marketing firm, SHIELD—Bucky working with clients, and Steve working on the artwork and design. He felt like Bucky had understood at first. That Steve didn’t want a protector, despite his size and his penchant for getting into fist fights. Steve could fight his own battles, with or without Bucky by his side. What he didn’t want was Bucky fighting his battles for him. 

And Bucky had seemed to get that for the first little while. But after they had confessed their love for each other under rumpled blankets, something had changed. It was gradual, but there had been a definite shift. Instead of being his equal, Bucky thought he was Steve’s knight in shining armor. Steve, who had spent most of his life being emasculated by other men due to his size, didn’t need a fucking knight, thanks.

He had tried to explain this to Bucky countless times, but over time Bucky got worse, not better. That night at the bar had been the last of many, many straws. Steve was sick of it, and he was so fucking done being treated like he was fragile; like he needed protecting from the world just because he was small. 

He was totally done with James Buchanan Barnes.

***

It was the following day that the first phone call came. 

Steve looked at his phone as it rang with Bucky's familiar face on his screen. He was angry, though, still—too angry to answer and give Bucky the time of day. Instead of cutting Bucky off, he allowed it to go to voicemail. He reasoned that he might as well hear if Bucky had seen the error of his ways, not that it mattered. They were beyond that now.

The phone rang off, and a few moments later buzzed with a new voicemail. Steve looked at his phone. He knew he probably shouldn’t listen to it, not while the wound was still so fresh, but maybe if Bucky really was going to apologize…

He hit play.

_“Hey. I-I know you’re still angry with me, and I know you probably won’t wanna talk to me for a while, I-I get it, I do. I mean, I still think that no one can love you the way I do but I understand why you don’t believe that any more. I’m sorry, okay? You’ll… you’ll never know how much.”_

The message ended, and Steve sat frozen in his chair. He felt the anger from that night resurface, and wallowed in it. How dare he? How dare Bucky call him and give him that non-apology? _“You’ll never know how much.”_ Yeah, Steve knew exactly how sorry Bucky was. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough, not when Bucky couldn’t respect him. And Bucky clearly didn’t respect him, not the way he’d treated him. Like he was some fragile doll. 

But still, he didn’t delete the message. He didn’t dare examine why.

***

It was a week later and Steve had heard no more from Bucky. He hadn’t even seen him in the office, somehow, which was kind of a miracle. Their office was big, so it wasn’t impossible, but it was still quite a feat. He told himself he was glad, glad Bucky had got the message, glad he was giving him space, but there was a pain somewhere in the region of his chest which said otherwise. 

To distract himself, he decided to take a day out at the Met with his friend Natasha. It was his favorite place, and he lost himself in the different works of art. Nat was good at distracting him too, when his thoughts became too melancholy. She refused to give an opinion on the situation between him and Bucky, though, telling him that she wasn’t going to ‘take sides in this mess’.

When he got home, there was a missed call from Bucky on his cell, along with another voicemail. He swallowed, and clicked play.

_“I saw you at the Met today. I was there with Becca and she saw you with Nat and grabbed my arm. You looked happy—I think if you’d seen me that would have changed. I wish I could turn back time and do everything over.”_

Steve sat down heavily on the sofa, his good mood gone. Bucky had been there? Bucky had seen him and hadn’t even said hey? Steve shook his head. Of course, Bucky was right not to have approached him. Steve was still pissed at him, and frankly if he had seen Bucky he would have spent the rest of the time angry. Maybe Bucky did know him a little after all. That was the most considerate he’d been in months, maybe years. 

He sighed, and put his phone on the coffee table, scrubbing a hand over his face. In a way, he hated Bucky in that moment for calling him again, hated him for screwing up. They could have been so happy together. 

They had been, until Bucky had gone on his crusade. 

Frowning, Steve picked his phone up again, finger hovering over the delete button on the message. But he couldn’t do it. He threw his phone down on the sofa beside him in frustration. He’d do it later.

Yeah. Later.

***

September gave way to October. There were pumpkins everywhere—in shops, outside front doors, in the goddamn coffee. Steve glared into his black coffee, and Nat kicked his foot gently.

“Still hate pumpkins, huh?”

“It’s a pain in the ass!” Steve grumbled. “It wouldn’t be so bad but they’re fucking _everywhere_ with their stupid orange faces and stupid gross flavor.”

Nat took a sip of her pumpkin spice latte and smacked her lips. “You need to chill out about this season, lots of people love it. You’re like the Halloween grinch.”

Steve scowled. “I don’t hate Halloween. I hate the commercialization of it. I hate that every single fucking store you walk into for the whole of October has ‘Halloween themed’ shit. If they make it into a pumpkin shape they can charge more for it, and that’s bullshit.”

Nat gave him an amused look as his phone began to buzz. He looked down, his face falling as Bucky’s picture covered his screen.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Nat asked, tilting her head to the side as she gazed thoughtfully at Steve.

Steve shook his head. “No.”

“You really haven’t forgiven him?”

Steve breathed out harshly through his nose. “How can I? The way he treated me? Nat, you know what it was like. You know how much I hated it.”

“I know, but maybe—”

“No,” Steve said, his tone a warning. Nat took the hint and dropped the subject as Steve's phone buzzed with a voicemail notification.

He waited until he was home to listen to it—he didn’t want Nat to know exactly how weird he was, still listening to his ex’s voicemail messages. Bucky’s voice came through loud and clear.

 _“Stupid fucking pumpkin everything season again. You get so ragey over it and it used to sort of bug me. Now I… I swear to god, I miss it. I miss_ you _.”_

Steve swallowed, his heart in his mouth. “I miss you too,” he murmured, before cursing himself for his weakness. It was over between them, and given that Steve had ended it, things shouldn’t have been this difficult. He knew he was still kind of angry at Bucky, but the anger was being overshadowed by feelings which he wished would remain buried. 

He growled, shaking his head. “Get a fucking grip,” he told himself angrily, and ignored his phone for the rest of the day.

He still didn’t delete the message, though.

***

“Well, we’ll be sorry to see you go, Rogers,” his boss, Nick, told him. It was almost Halloween now, and Steve had found himself a new job at a rival marketing firm, Avengers Ltd. Headed up by billionaire genius Tony Stark, Avengers Ltd could afford to pay their graphic designers considerably more than SHIELD. Steve was looking forward to a generous healthcare plan and, more importantly, getting away from SHIELD where there was always the possibility that he might run into Bucky. It had happened a few times now, and every time was as awkward as the last. 

Frankly, it was getting exhausting.

“I’ll be sorry to leave, sir,” Steve said slowly. “This company has been really good to me, and it’s been a pleasure working for you.”

Nick nodded. “We’ll let the team know, and then put out an office-wide announcement. You’re the best we’ve got, Rogers, and I’m not surprised you’re moving on to greener pastures, but hell. We’re gonna miss your initiative and your flair.”

“Thank you, sir,” Steve said gratefully. 

The team were suitably upset, and when the email went out, Steve took a deep breath. Obviously, it would go to Bucky too. Steve wondered how he’d take it.

That evening, after cooking dinner and settling down in front of the TV, he picked up his phone to see a missed call from Bucky, and a new voicemail.

_“I heard that you’re leaving SHIELD. It’s strange to think of you not here, to think of you and not see you. I hope you’re happy.”_

Steve frowned. Bucky wasn’t supposed to be this nice about it all. Steve certainly didn’t feel nice when he thought of Bucky. He didn’t hope Bucky was happy; he hoped he felt as bad as Steve did when he thought about how their relationship had gone south. 

But as soon as that thought had passed through his head, another took its place. If Bucky was unhappy, that wasn’t a good thing. Steve had never wanted that, not really. It was just that he didn’t want to be the only one suffering, which he finally had to admit to himself that he was. And yet, he couldn’t forgive Bucky for what he had done. Whether stubbornness or anger was his motivator, he couldn’t tell anymore. All he knew was that they were over, and it hurt more than it had any right to. But if Bucky was hurting too, still—and Steve had to admit to himself that it was likely, given that Bucky was still leaving him voicemails—then was it really worth it?

This new job would maybe be the fresh start they both needed. Time away from each other could only heal them both. Out of sight, and out of mind, and Steve really needed to get Bucky out of his mind before he went completely crazy missing him.

***

It was mid-November, and Steve was settled into his new position at Avengers Ltd. The team were really great, and he got on well with all of them, but he still felt like something was missing. 

He sighed to himself. He had been with Bucky nearly six years. Of course it would be hard to let go of what they’d had. He just wished he was over it already. It had been two full months since they’d split up, and frankly Steve kind of wished that one or other of them had thrown a punch at the breakup. Maybe then he’d be dealing with it better. 

Nat was keeping him updated about the goings-on at SHIELD—not the client stuff, of course, but the day-to-day gossip. Which is why he was blindsided when he got home one night to find a voicemail on his phone from Bucky.

There was music in the background, and Steve wondered if Bucky was at a bar. 

_“Hey, I wanted you to hear this from me. I’ve taken a job in Amsterdam and… I’m leaving next week. It’s probably way past time I stopped leaving you these, right? I wanted… I wanna say one last time how sorry I am, and how much I wish things were different between us. I still love you,”_ Bucky’s breath hitched and Steve’s heart clenched, _”I’ll always love you, even though I know why you can’t love me back.”_ It sounded as though Bucky was crying down the phone, before the message ended and Steve was left staring at his cell helplessly. 

Bucky was leaving? Bucky was leaving the country? But he couldn’t be. Steve might never see him again if he went to Europe. What if he met someone else over there and decided to stay for good?

He immediately called Nat. 

“Hey, Nat, it’s me.”

Nat sighed down the phone. _“I was expecting a call from you at some point. Bucky told me he’d be getting in touch. Did you pick up your phone this time?”_

“No,” Steve replied helplessly. “No, and… is it true? Is he really leaving?”

 _“Yeah, he’s being transferred to the Amsterdam office. His request. They’ve got a staff shortage over there so the request was approved within days, or so I’ve heard.”_ Nat paused. _“Steve, are you sure you—”_

“No. No, Nat. Too much water has passed under the bridge for that. Besides, how do I know it would be any different? He could still be that person, that guy who thinks I’m weak and unable to take care of myself. I can’t be with someone like that.”

 _“If you say so,”_ Nat replied, sighing again. _”Look, I gotta go, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”_

Steve ended the call and sat back, listening to Bucky’s voicemail over and over again until the tears stopped streaming down his cheeks and the numbness took over.

***

That whole week Steve was a bundle of nerves. He hoped against hope that Bucky would call him again, feeling that it was too late for him to return the call. Too much time had passed, too much had happened, for Steve to reach out like that. 

He wasn’t even sure he wanted to.

He felt torn down the middle. On the one hand, Bucky was leaving—leaving New York, leaving _him_ —on the other, there was no guarantee that Bucky had changed his behavior. 

Steve was hard-pushed to remember why that mattered, but he was sure it should. 

***

He was washing his hands in the kitchen that Saturday when he heard his phone buzz. He ran for it, but it had already gone to voicemail. 

When it buzzed again, he opened the voicemail with shaking hands, and could hear the voice of the airport announcement system in the background of Bucky speaking.

_“I just wish… I just wish so much for you. I hope you find someone who loves you the way I should have. So fucking much. Goodbye, Steve.”_

Oh god.

Bucky was leaving. 

Bucky couldn’t leave him.

Steve grabbed his keys, wallet, and jacket, slipping on his shoes as he dashed out the door. He hailed a cab, and it wasn’t until he was halfway to JFK that he realized what he needed to do. Steve dialed Bucky's number, praying it wouldn’t be too late. It rang, and rang, then he heard an all-too familiar voice. 

_“Steve?”_

“Oh, god, please don’t go,” Steve managed. “Please, Buck, god, don’t go.”

_“Steve? I don’t understand what you’re saying… what are you saying?”_

“I’m saying don’t leave me. I’m saying stay.”

_“Steve—”_

“Look, you were right all along. I know that no one can love me like you can because I feel the same way about you.” Steve prayed for the cab to go faster. They were past the worst of the traffic now, and the cab was speeding along towards the airport. “I’ve been so angry I forgot what was important, and what’s important was you, and me, and you and me together.”

_“Steve, I don’t know. Maybe you were right. I didn’t love you the way you needed, didn’t treat you the way you wanted, and I lost you because of my own mistakes.”_

“Will you make those mistakes again?”

Bucky laughed hoarsely down the phone. _“I’d hope not, but what if it’s not enough?”_

The cab pulled up beside departures at JFK with a screech, and Steve threw money at the driver as he ran in. He looked up at the board—Bucky’s flight was due to leave in 25 minutes. He maybe had enough time. 

“Bucky, how can you say that? You were always enough for me,” Steve said quietly, a lump in his throat. “I love you.” He reached the desk for one of the airlines and slammed his credit card down. “I need a ticket to wherever is cheapest,” he said wildly.

 _“Steve? Where are you right now?”_ Bucky asked.

“I’m coming to get you,” Steve told him. “I’m not letting you go again. I can’t.”

 _“You’re buying a ticket to run to me at the gate?”_ Bucky’s voice sounded thick down the line. _”Fuck, you’re ridiculous. Wait there. I’m coming.”_

Steve’s eyes widened, and he took a step back, picking up his credit card. “He’s coming!” he said to the nonplussed assistant, his voice trembling. “He’s coming, oh god.” He whirled around, looking round the airport. “You’re really coming? No bullshit?”

“Steve.” Steve whipped around to see Bucky standing behind him, holding the phone in his hand. “Steve, I’m here.”

Steve didn’t even think. He strode up to Bucky and pulled him into a deep kiss, and it felt like coming home. He didn’t care that he had to stand on tiptoes. He didn’t care that he was probably making Bucky’s neck ache at the angle. All he cared about was Bucky’s lips on his. 

“What took you so long?” Steve asked, half laughing and half crying against Bucky's mouth.

“I don’t know,” Bucky murmured. “But I swear I’ll never keep you waiting again.”

They couldn’t get Bucky’s luggage taken off the flight, so the airline had a note to return it. Bucky frowned when they asked him for an address.

“I gave up my apartment,” he said quietly, “so my parents’, I guess?”

Steve grabbed his hand and kissed it. “Or, you know, you could give them my address. Maybe move in with me.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Are you… Steve, oh my god, are you sure?”

Steve smiled softly. “What part of ‘I love you’ don’t you get? We’ve been together long enough that I think it’s time we took that step.”

“But—”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine,” Steve interrupted. “But I have no doubts.”

Bucky’s gaze softened. “Okay.” He gave the man at the desk Steve’s address, and Steve laced their fingers together. 

“Come on, Buck. Let’s go home.”

The cab ride home was silent, and Steve was afraid to say anything and ruin it. They sat together, hands clasped, until they arrived at Steve’s—their—apartment. 

When they got in the door, Bucky scrubbed his hand over his face. “There are things that need to be said,” he told Steve, and Steve nodded.

“Yeah.”

Steve led him through to the living room, and they sat together on the sofa, knees touching.

“These past few months,” Bucky began, “well, they’ve been hell on earth, Steve. I don’t know if you even heard my messages, but—”

“I heard them,” Steve told him in a low voice. “I heard them all.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “So why…?”

“Because I was stupid, I held on to my anger way too long.” Steve sighed. “And then by the time I realized I’d made a mistake it was too late. Or I thought it was. It was only when I got the last message that I knew I had to do whatever it took to stop you from getting on that plane and leaving me.”

“I don’t know that I deserve a second chance, Steve,” Bucky said quietly. “Looking back, I can’t believe how badly I behaved. I don’t blame you for being so angry with me. I can’t blame you for it. I was the worst boyfriend, never thinking about your feelings or taking into account what you wanted. You were right. I only cared about how I felt.”

“Is that still how you feel?” Steve asked, scared of the answer. 

“God, no, Steve!” Bucky exclaimed earnestly, clasping Steve’s hand in his. “I can do better. I _will_ do better! I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, to not have you look at me the same way as you looked at me that night at the bar.”

“All you have to do is stop treating me like I’m a damsel in distress,” Steve said firmly. “If I get the occasional black eye or whatever, it’s fine. I need a boyfriend, not a bodyguard.”

Bucky nodded. “I get that. I do. And I’ll do better, I swear.”

Steve smiled at him. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of exhausted and I could use a nap.”

Bucky started to laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, a nap sounds great.”

They headed through to the bedroom and stripped down to their underwear, climbing into bed together. Steve was surprised when Bucky snuggled into his side, laying his head on Steve’s chest. Steve kissed Bucky’s messy head, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Sleep,” he said quietly, and Bucky nodded.

“I love you, Steve.”

“I love you too,” Steve replied, and quickly fell asleep to the familiar sound of Bucky’s breathing. 

***

When Steve awoke, Bucky was lying beside him, head on the pillow, watching him. 

“Hi,” Bucky said, smiling softly, and Steve couldn’t help but kiss him.

“Hey.” Steve stretched, then grinned at Bucky. “Were you watching me sleep?”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s not something I ever thought I’d get to do again.”

The smile dropped from Steve’s face. “God, Bucky, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Bucky told him, his tone angry. “Don’t you dare, Steve. You were totally right to break up with me. I was an ass.”

“But I wasn’t right to make you wait when I knew how miserable we both were,” Steve said quietly. “That wasn’t fair on either of us.”

“Maybe not, but look. I’d be on a plane to Amsterdam right now if you hadn’t shown up. And then we’d maybe never have had this chance.” Bucky kissed him again. “Maybe how it worked out wasn’t great, but where we’ve ended up is pretty perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bucky kissed him again, and again, and the kisses quickly began to deepen. Steve pressed the length of his body against Bucky, who pulled his hips back not quite quick enough for Steve to miss the feel of his hardening cock against Steve's thigh.

Bucky was looking at him with wide eyes, and Steve just smiled, drawing his hand down Bucky’s chest to palm at his cock. Bucky huffed, biting his lip, and Steve smiled. 

“Is this what you want?” he asked, and Bucky nodded.

“I want you, Steve. Please.”

Steve smiled and stripped both Bucky and himself out of their boxers. The lube and condom he fetched from the bedside cabinet, and he looked questioningly at Bucky, who nodded.

“Do it, Steve. I want you inside me…” He broke off, eyes shining. “Fuck, I can’t believe I almost lost this, can’t believe I almost lost _you_ …”

“Hey,” Steve said, pulling Bucky into a tight hug. “But you didn’t, okay? I’m here, and we’re gonna be stronger than ever, I swear it.”

Bucky sniffed and nodded against him, and Steve kissed his cheek. “Lie back,” he said softly, and Bucky did so, spreading his legs to allow Steve access. Steve slicked up his fingers and leaned down, kissing Bucky as he teased around his hole, occasionally dipping the tip of his finger inside, just enough to tease. 

“Steve!” Bucky begged, and Steve kissed him again, pressing a single finger inside and swallowing Bucky’s moans. He wanted to crawl inside Bucky and never leave now he had him back, and he intended to make this memorable for all the right reasons. 

He waited until Bucky was relaxing around him, then added a second finger, starting to stretch him open. He could feel Bucky's fist moving on his own cock and smiled into the kiss. 

“That feel good, Buck?” Steve murmured, and Bucky nodded.

“Feels so good, Steve, oh my god, love it when you finger me open.”

Steve began to kiss and bite down Bucky’s jawline and neck, hitting all his most sensitive spots and making him whimper. And god, but Steve had missed this—missed Bucky so much it was like a physical ache. Now he could admit it to himself, he looked back and knew that was why he hadn’t deleted any of the voicemails—why it had hurt so much to see Bucky around the office at SHIELD. It wasn’t because of what Bucky had done, but rather because he couldn’t reach out and touch him, no matter how much he wanted to. 

“Steve,” Bucky said, pleading, and Steve mouthed around Bucky’s nipple as he added a third finger. He crooked his fingers up, rubbing at the nub inside of Bucky, who cried out loud enough that Steve couldn’t help but grin. “Oh god, Steve, fuck, I’m ready, need you now, need you inside me, please?” Bucky babbled, and Steve nodded. He sat back, pulling his fingers out of Bucky so he could roll on the condom and cover his cock in lube. 

He positioned himself and leaned down to kiss Bucky gently. “I love you so much,” he said in low tones, and Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, rubbing at the short hairs at the back with his fingers.

“I love you too, Steve. So much.”

Steve kissed him again as he began to press forward, and Bucky gasped and groaned against his mouth as Steve slowly filled him. When his hips met Bucky’s ass he paused, looking down to see Bucky looking back at him with heavy lidded eyes. 

“Fuck me, Steve,” he said quietly, and Steve smiled, starting to thrust his hips slow and deep. Bucky moaned softly, thighs tightening around Steve’s waist as Steve fucked him. 

“God, Bucky, you feel so good inside,” Steve said. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Steve, I’m so totally fucking yours,” Bucky gasped, and Steve’s heart swelled as his eyes filled with tears.

“I’m yours too,” he choked out, and Bucky reached up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. 

“I know,” Bucky responded quietly. “You and me, together. That’s it, right?”

“Right,” Steve replied. 

“Then fuck me hard. Make me feel it.”

Steve leaned down to kiss him again as he sped up his thrusts, shifting angle so Bucky cried out on every inward stroke. He felt Bucky stroke himself and nodded.

“Yeah, Buck, touch yourself, wanna see you come, wanna make you come for me.”

“Fuck, Steve, I’m close,” Bucky moaned. “Just keep fucking me, don’t stop, oh my god, oh god, oh fuck, _Steve_ ,” he cried, and Steve watched, entranced, as Bucky’s face went slack as he came all over his stomach and chest. Steve fucked him through it, Bucky’s muscles pulsing around him and bringing him closer to the edge. Bucky looked up at him, eyes dark with lust, and dragged his fingers through the come on his stomach, pressing them into Steve’s mouth, and the taste of his lover pushed him over the edge as he came with Bucky’s name on his lips. 

They kissed as they caught their breath, then Steve pulled out, tying off the condom and throwing it in the general direction of the wastepaper basket. Bucky laughed, wiping the come off himself with the sheet. 

Steve wrapped Bucky in his arms, nuzzling the top of his head as Bucky lay on his chest. 

“You sure you want me living with you?” Bucky said quietly.

Steve kissed him. “There’s nothing I want more.”

“Glad you came to get me?”

Steve tightened his arms around Bucky. “I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn’t. You’re my world, Buck. If you’d gone to Amsterdam I would’ve just had to come after you and get you.”

Bucky hummed thoughtfully. “I wonder if SHIELD will let me have my old job back.”

“If they don’t, I’m sure I can get you a job at my new place,” Steve said with a laugh. 

“You’d want that? You’d want to work together again?”

Steve kissed him, then kissed him again. “Work, live, all of it. I’m never letting you go again.”

Bucky lay his head back down on Steve’s chest. “Yeah. That sounds perfect.”

Steve had to agree. It really did.


End file.
